U.S. Congress Passes “Federal Overly Obese Law”

by FitnessMantra on April 1, 2011

Early today morning, in a surprisingly bi-partisan vote, both houses of the U.S. Congress passed a major new law that imposes strict punishments on the nations almost 33% obese population if they did not take immediate and dramatic action to change their diet and exercise habits.

Titled the “Federal Overly Obese Law”, the new mandates are set to take effect immediately said a spokesperson from the Department of Health and Human Services.

The major highlights of the new law are:

  1. A new metric called Body-Bendability-Index (BBI) will now be used to determine how fit a person is. BBI is determined as follows:  Ask the subject to bend down and touch his toes. If the hands go all the way, that is considered 100 (or baseline). Anything less is then graded based on how far down the hands actually get. Here are some celebrity BBIs for you ready reference: Basketball Star, Kobe Bryant: 100, Queen Latifah: 60, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie:  -22  and Jackie Chan: 125 (entire palm on the floor got him a bonus). You would want to check your own BBI at home because the new law has strict penalties for scores that are 50 or lower!
  2. Sugar Checkers will be deployed to the homes of obese people: The new law mandates the hiring of millions of so-called Sugar-Checkers who will be sent to the homes of obese people to make sure that they do use more than one spoon of sugar in their coffee or tea (it being assumed, of course, that none of these people use artificial sweeteners which are even worse for health). It will be the responsibility of the home-owners to provide food, shelter and other necessities to the Sugar-Checkers who are mandated to live with them. When asked if the government could afford this obviously expensive program, DHHS representatives replied that this would be one more way to create jobs this country so badly needs.
  3. Pedal-TVs to be given free to households: The households that have the most obese people will have their regular television sets confiscated and will instead be provided with Pedal-TVs which operate by having the user pedal a stationary-bicycle that generates electricity to power the television. The idea is that couch-potatoes might not mind an extra lap or two if it means they can catch the latest episodes of American Idol or The Office.

Several other mandates are tucked deep inside the 4000-page bill but as is usually the case, all Americans (and indeed most Congressmen) will only know about them now that the bill has passed!

Many people have questioned the veracity of a law titled Federal Overly Obese Law or “F.O.O.L.” being passed on the 1st of April but believe me this news report is (almost entirely not) true!

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The Brown Fat Revolution: A Fitness Mantra Book Review

by FitnessMantra on April 11, 2010

You have read it here many times before: “Fat is not the enemy”. In fact, in Fat Fiction I wrote about some of the more common misconceptions about fat and how our body deals with it. The Fitness Mantra bottom-line has always been that fat, one of the three macro-nutrients, is vital to our diet and should be a part of every well-balanced meal.

The_Brown_Fat_RevolutionThe Brown Fat Revolution: Trigger Your Body’s Good Fat to Lose Weight and Be Healthier is the new book by Dr. James R. Lyons that not only validates our belief in the goodness that is fat but also takes us further by describing the two major types of fat and explaining why one is much better than the other. Here is a Fitness Mantra Book Review of “The Brown Fat Revolution”. [click to continue…]

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Fitness Mantra is now Fitness Tantra

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Garden Your Way To Health And Fitness: A Fitness Mantra Book Review

October 24, 2009

The garden is one of the few places that many people would confess feeling truly ambivalent about. While it’s true that a beautifully maintained garden not only adds beauty and value to the home or community it graces, but also provides a sanctuary for nature lovers or serenity-seekers, what’s also true is that the very […]

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FitnessMantra Quotes #3: Every Bite You Eat

June 13, 2009

A simple concept about the food we eat and what it does for us. But I haven’t seen it expressed quite so succinctly: “Every bite you eat is an act of nourishment or an act of suicide.” – Dr. Bruce Bond So, what do you choose? Good or bad? Fitness or Inactive Tiredness? Health or […]

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