This blog has been active for close to two years now and while reporting about health, fitness and nutrition has consumed most of my blog-related activities, I am happy to report that I have not been sitting idly by while I watch the incidence of obesity and obesity-related ailments steadily increase in the world. it has always been my desire to create a safe, painless, economical and easy-to-use method to reduce obesity - something people can use in the privacy of their own homes.
After over a year of research, analysis, design and testing, I am proud to reveal the fact that I finally have a prototype that is ready for public use. I have decided to call this tool the “Actively Progressive & Regressive Intelligent Lipoanalytic Fully Operational Obesity Lowerer” and as its name suggests, this tool will intelligently analyze and remove the bothering layers of fat that plague many an obese person.
The Lipoanalytic Obesity Lowerer
What to the untrained eye looks like a regular power-drill is in fact the result of my hard labor over the past several months. In the complete privacy of your home, you can use this Lipoanalytic Obesity Lowerer (LOL) to literally suck out the problem areas in your body!
How it works:
- Connect the LOL to a standard power source.
- Attach the supplied “Reductive Obesity Tool For LOL” (ROTFL) to the LOL.
- Switch on the apparatus
- Point the tip of the ROTFL to the problem area like your hips or thighs and press against the skin lightly.
- Watch as the bit bores right through your skin and simply sucks out the excess fat and stores it in the “Fat Accumulation Repository Carrying Excess” chamber located at the base of the LOL
- Simply repeat the procedure at various locations on the body, remembering to empty out the fat container at regular intervals.
- That’s it! A trim and toned body can be yours with almost no effort on your part!
Imagine! No more diets of fresh fruits, vegetables or lean meats! No more exercising for hours in the gym! Strength-training? Who needs that when the LOL makes it so easy to lose weight?
You just need to be aware of a few negligible side-effects:
- 1/2 inch holes on your body at the places where you have reduced the fat: Nothing to worry much about - just cover up the holes with silly putty and apply facial make-up at the right places. No one will notice anything different - unless you take a bath or someone pokes you right in the holes!
- Missing body parts: Sometimes, if you are not careful, the odd kidney or lung could get sucked out along with the fat. Again, this is not much of an issue with those body parts which you have two of. But I would, of course, advise you to be extra cautious around “single” body parts like the heart or liver.
- Massive infection around the holes: Although we urge you to sterilize the ROTFL before use, we have seen several cases of massive infection around the areas of application. Related side-effects include blood loss, dizziness, headache, earache, bodyache, nausea, sea-sickness, disorientation, feelings of superiority, bulimia, anorexia and even overweight and obesity.
I am sure you will agree that these minimal side-effects are a small price to pay to achieve the body of your dreams with almost no effort on your part. If you are convinced that the LOL is the best thing since sliced carbohydrates, simply place your order today and I’ll rush you your very own LOL!
It’s time to bid goodbye to healthy eating and exercising. Forget calories and saturated fat. Enjoy everything from French Fries to Chicken Wings and then simply suck out your fat with the one and only LOL!
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